I had a pride issue I needed to kill, but didn’t know I had.

As a young girl, I was always this little miss independent, do everything my own because I had no choice but to grow up fast. I had to take charge & get things done because if I didn’t who would you know? As I was preparing for marriage, I thought I had this submission thing down. That once I got married I would be able to let my husband take control & take the lead as the head of our household. Who was I kidding? 😅

I struggled with this the first half of our marriage. I wanted to control everything. Not in a crazy way but in a, “It’s fine, I’ll take care of it” because you are taking too long to do it or “I got it, don’t worry about it.” Even though deep down inside I was growing upset that he wasn’t completing things according to my time frame. I would try to manipulate him with words to make him feel like I didn’t need him because I was so independent when in reality I wanted him to take charge. I had a pride issue I needed to kill, but didn’t know I had. In my mind, I thought I was being submissive, but in reality, I was trying to lead our home.

Can you imagine having two heads on a body? It’s weird right, & same goes for a marriage. Being submissive didn’t mean I couldn’t make my own decisions or that we would have to agree on everything, but with mutual understanding, my husband would have the final say & take on the leadership role that I was trying to play. In our marriage, I’ve learned so much through letting him lead as God has intended. No. I’m not his slave or lower than him as most people think when they hear the word submit. We are both equal in God’s eyes.

Yes, I had to learn how to humble myself & accept these changes of not having to do everything on my own, especially without this attitude of superiority, but out of love & knowing my husband would take care of us & I didn’t have to carry that burden on my own. Extending so much grace & patience on his part as I had to unlearn so many behaviors I’ve established over the years. So many barriers I’ve built up around me for that survival mode mentality. I had to surrender all control over to God and then husband & let me tell you, it has made our marriage that much stronger.