Not Settling in Dysfunction.

Though I didn't understand how damaged my view on love was at the time, I knew that I wasn't suppose to feel the way I did.

I sometimes wonder what would have been my outcome if I would have settled in dysfunction. Settled & took on the pain & brokenness that surrounded me as a little girl & never had recovered from the damage it left inside of me. If I would have allowed my past to have made me prisoner in my own head.

Though I didn't understand how damaged my view on love was at the time, I knew that I wasn't suppose to feel the way I did. I had a distorted imagine of men. It always seemed that men would easily come in my life, shortly to walk out just as a fast. I began to detach myself from others, because I was tired of being hurt again after again. Imagine my little self having to process through all of this. 
I wonder how life would been different if I would have allowed my pain to dictate my ability to love again. Would I have even been able feel anything or would my heart become so hardened like a callous, that I couldn't feel nothing.

The power that love has to tear down barriers, to build not destroy, to accept not judge, has been so evident in the way my husband has loved me through all of this. He knew all the pain I had suffered through as a child, yet he chose to continue showing me what love truly looks like, through my healing. This love that I always imagined I wanted growing up, & this love I now have, I pray I never take for granted.

Imagine if I would have given up on love, & settled in my dysfunction because that was my norm & all I knew? So many things I didn't understand as a child, but now I see what love is & isn't. I understand that some family traditions are meant to be broken. That my story doesn't have to end there & I don't have to repeat anything, because I simply won't. I've overcame too many obstacles to allow myself to not experience this godly love we all deserve.