The baggage each bring to the relationship have to be brought into the light, & worked through together.

I hate that I shut down at times. It was something I saw as a child & it carried over into my adulthood. I didn’t know I had so much bottled up inside of me until I got married. The person you become so close to, sees every single thing, the flaws, hidden scars, & internal battles within. 

Communicating with one another has been one of the hardest yet rewarding times in our marriage especially the first year. Before marriage, you feel like you have a person figured out, but it’s so much deeper when things have to get unpacked. The baggage each bring to the relationship have to be brought into the light, & worked through together.

My husband is an external processor. He wants to talk in the moment yet I’m the opposite. I process everything within. I need time to collect my thoughts without saying hurtful things that could leave a deep wound long after an apology.

We’ve had to learn how to communicate effectively with each other by learning more about each other & understand the importance of grace when things became heated. We aren’t the type to raise our voices, but I would be so quick for the silent treatment which isn’t any better. 

I had to learn that everything that led to a disagreement, didn’t mean we were no longer in love. I would always feel like our marriage was failing, but that wasn’t the case. We were just trying to figure out each other. How to talk to one another, share our feelings without thinking we were out to get each other. I had to remind myself that even if my feelings got hurt, that wasn’t his intentions.

We both came from different homes with different ways we saw communication displayed. So having to work through this, made our marriage stronger than ever. We get it. We trust each other & know that we are each other’s safe place to get whatever we need off of our chest without feeling attacked or not heard. So if you are learning how to communicate with your significant other, understand where they come from & unpack baggage together. Same team, extending grace where it’s needed. Life is short, don’t waste any more minutes staying mad at each other. Fight for each other.